2016

I’ve finally gotten my ass down to work on this blog after so long since 2016 was super hectic and I simply didn’t have the motivation to start even though I promised to do so since last year… HAHAHA oh wells

I’VE FINALLY GRADUATED from secondary school and I’ll soon be moving on to the next chapter of my school life. It was a very bittersweet four years for me tbh, and despite how elated I am to finally get the hell out of sec sch, it’s still kinda depressing to know that I’ll be parting with so many good friends and being alone in a completely different environment from them.

Back then, I detested school and I would do anything just to skip one day of lessons. I just didn’t feel happy going there because I felt judged and bullied, and cowering at home made me escape reality. I was one of those kids who stood out, and got lots of unwanted hate and attention from those whose faces I don’t even recognise. I got called many names, and there probably wasn’t anyone in my batch who hadn’t heard rumours about me being a “bitch”. I still remember walking into the canteen, feeling so inferior and freaking out super badly because I was afraid of the crowds and what they might say about me. Yx would follow me around everywhere because I was so uneasy that I couldn’t be left alone. Up till now, I’m still clueless as to why shit about me was so frequently spread amongst the school, up to the point where everyone had something negative to say about me – either true or false. I’m not a saint, and I’m human too, but I don’t think it was fair to put someone under such a negative light that it made them feel worthless and ashamed of themselves. (ALTHOUGH I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN, I shouldn’t have let myself get beaten down over what people have to say) I don’t think it was fair to talk about me as if you knew me, when hardly ANYONE that I knew personally had something legit to badmouth about me. I’ll never forget how I was classified as a typical “ahlian” because I wore contacts and how I seemed like I was arrogant and unfriendly.

OK I have a resting bitch face, but did you have to judge me like that?

I also remember how people posted my pictures and “indirected” me on social media platforms because they felt they had something against me. THAT WAS BULLYING, and I will never get over how I never stood up for myself and ever talked myself into believing what they had done was well-deserved. Girls, if you ever get bullied online you should ALWAYS stick up for yourself even when no one else will because NO ONE should be bullied like that, and you have a right in defending yourself no matter how afraid you are.

HAHAHAHA THIS MEME IS SO RELATABLE.

Nonetheless, I’m still grateful to them because they really helped shape me into a stronger person I am today as well as shed a light on those who’ve stuck through thick and thin with me. I realised that when a person judges you, it’s to feed their ego and insecurities, and the fact that they can never straight up roast you in the face about it shows how they don’t have the guts to bring up “solid evidence” about you, but just simply trying to find beef.

I’ve also moved on and gotten away from certain toxic friendships. If you ever feel like you’re unhappy and constantly being demoralised for being who you are, just leave that fucking friendship and find someone else to hang with. Just like there are many who keep you around just to make themselves seem popular, there will be many out there who will genuinely care for your well-being and accept you for you.

I think 2017 is a good year to start afresh and leave all those unhappy memories in the past. Since what’s in the past stays in the past, it can never hurt me anymore and I’ll just keep striving to be a better person. All in all, these four years have truly been memorable because I’ve also met those good friends of mine that have been with me through every step of the way as well as my family members who’ve been so supportive of everything I’ve done all this while. IT SOUNDS LIKE I’M GIVING A SPEECH, BUT I’M NOT… I think everything was a learning obstacle for me, and I couldn’t have gotten through them without those that have been there for me since day one. I love you guys and I’ll never forget all the wonderful memories we’ve shared; I’ve cried and laughed with you; I’ve been in countless arguments just for us to patch back and be alright all over again – you guys are literally family to me. I think best friends don’t come by that easily and y’all will always be a part of me.

Thank you so much for always being there.