17

Exactly 57 minutes ago, I turned 17.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the excitement I usually felt whenever the countdown to my birthday was approaching. I wasn’t excited to open whatsapp or telegram and scroll through the birthday wishes.

And that really surprised me.

The me four years ago would be dying to receive as many wishes as possible, the longer the paragraphs the better.

But now, the current me realised that the number of ‘Merry Christmas’s’, ‘Happy New Year’s’, ‘Happy Birthday’s don’t matter anymore. The amount of attention I receive no longer excites me. I don’t notice the number of presents.

Suddenly, I just feel contented with the wishes I receive from my family and my closest friends. It’s like I just realised that it’s the thought that counts. I could receive a hundred birthday wishes and I still wouldn’t feel the sincerity behind it. Which amazed me because up till now I’ve never felt contented with just that few people genuinely wishing the best for me.

You know what else shocked me?

For the past four years, I’d been wishing for materialistic items that I always thought I needed to satisfy me. But this year, I wished for something different.

I wished that my family members would always stay healthy and happy.

I didn’t know what I was going to wish for up till that actual moment. But when I did, I realised that my family means the most to me and their wellbeing comes first. I would do anything just for them to be happy.

I guess I really matured through time and I’m not that self-centered anymore.

Also, I’ve always been a non-sporty person. I hate sports and I’ve always avoided trying new things because I dreaded stepping out of my comfort zone. But now, I realise that I really want to try sports. I really want to try something different, I want to start actively participating and make up for the four years that I wasted. I want to lead. I want to be somebody bold and different. I want to start having a purpose for doing the things I do, and no longer feel like a shitty loser who regretted not jumping at the opportunities she was showered with.

So that’s what shocked me.

It is the me that changed the way she looked at things, the me who stopped thinking only for herself.

It is the me who didn’t know she was capable of living not just for herself anymore, but for the people around her who mattered the most.