2 months in poly

It’s already two months since I started poly. Everything’s okay so far, and I swear you learn more things here in a month than you ever will a year in secondary school. 

Yup, that’s how different the learning environment is. It took me awhile to get used to it too. 

Back in PHSS, we were always cooped within the four walls of a classroom. There were hardly any learning journeys except for those stupid science experiment shit that’s completely useless and irrelevant. Answers were either yeses or nos, there was no in between. We weren’t allowed to voice opinions without our teachers telling us we were wrong. We always had to ask permission for simple things that we could decide on our own. 

I entered a course that encourages self-opinionated students, and there is no right or wrong answer. We are allowed to believe and do what we deem fit. I can’t say the same for the other courses, but here you really learn to take charge of your own learning. For me, that is the biggest difference between secondary school and poly, because I’m no longer bounded by the rules nor opinions of others. 

I’ve also heard many of my friends complain about how boring their lecturers are, because they’re usually old and want nothing to do with students once the class is over. Because they have millions of classes, they don’t know any of their lecturers personally. With my course having only five lecturers, they’re more like friends you feel comfortable to talk to. 

Can I also confess that when I first entered 02, I felt really disappointed when I saw my classmates? They were super unhyped and quiet, and I was like omg am I gonna be stuck with classmates who don’t speak up at all?! But I was wrong, because 02 can be a fun class and after the first few awkward weeks, everyone is finally starting to open up. 

I bonded with the HTT girls on the first day from an icebreaker, and it was damn hilarious how we all ended up together because of my idea to do a vlog based on sp’s haunted toilet rumor. We had fun knocking down dustbins, running and crawling down the corridors. They're my first clique too. 

Then I cliqued with Fitri and Charmaine, which was a surprise because I never thought I would end up hanging out with them. 

They say you’ll always meet snakes in your class, and it would suck to work with two-faced bitches because I think 02 can be pretty chill.

However, I’ve met some really arrogant nasty people la, thankfully not in the same course. Such people you really wanna shoot them in the head and trample all over their grave. During projects though, it gets really tense and it’s not easy to get along and be on the same page as someone. There’s always irritation and sometimes you end up being the asshole for voicing your own ideas or disagreeing with the other party. But I guess that’s life in a nutshell, not everyone is going to like you. But as long as we get the job done, earning a few black faces is worth it.

Coming to poly has also made me become more self-conscious. I’ll admit, the daily struggle of choosing something decent yet eye-catching to wear and comparing myself to super skinny girls or those with super on fleek makeup makes me feel like crap, and I can’t stop thinking of ways to improve myself or look better. Here, everyone is vying to be popular and insta-famous. I don’t know if JC is the same, but I’m quite sick of all those insecure thoughts because I feel like I’m turning into an attention seeking hoe.

So I stopped. I stopped focusing on all the negatives and the desire to want to be on par or even better than the others. FUCK IT. Why am I even comparing myself to others? 

I think people often forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if I’m unattractive or not good enough for a certain someone, that’s okay. Someone else will come along and like me for who I am. I don’t have to please everyone. I just have to be happy about who I am.

So I’m working towards that now, being more positive about myself. I’m learning to stop demeaning myself over something superficial. And I’m also going to try to work my grades up, after suffering a 2.5 over an insignificant peer feedback that I didn’t even put the effort to participate in.

I guess I can only say that it is important to stay true to yourself and continue to press on no matter what negativity you face, because negativity and toxicity is really all around in poly.